Epic

Most epic shit ever. You can't beat this. Ahahah.

Sorry to be heavy, but heavy is the cost

I'm not a masochist, or at least I don't think I am. For some reason the things I like the most are the ones who make my heart ache in the strongest of the ways, that get me analyzing every aspect of my life and dissecating it until I feel numb.
It's not that I enjoy pain, I truly don't, but in a way the human condition fascinates me. How a single situation can scar us and shapes us for the rest of our lifes, how thinking back on it always makes us feel it again as if it had never gone away but at the same time it felt distant, like looking through the mist in a winter morning. A false sense of security.
I know it might sound cliché but I like things that make me feel something, be it the utmost happiness or overwhelming pain. I just want them to shake me down to my core, leave me in a daze, send shivers all over.
I once found this amazing quote and it pin pointed exactly what I felt, straight and simple:

"We need the books that affect us like a disaster,
that grieve us deeply...
Like being banished into forests far from everyone,
like a suicide.
A book must be the ax for the frozen sea inside us."
- Franz Kafka

(Yes I'm aware you might find slightly different quotes but please keep in mind Kafka was german therefore it is normal that not every translation is virtualy the same. You do get the point right?)

I had never thought much on the subject but I suppose finding someone else who shared my views made it somehow more serious.
I'm aware not everybody might agree, but due to some of the things I went through I feel a much greater need to feel alive now than I ever recall having. I appreciate every little feeling for what it is, no matter what it is, because there were times I wasn't lucky enough to so much as have them. Things change though.
I remember being sick of everything, desperatly needing a way out. That was when I first learned what numbness meant.
Life amazes me, the intensity of it, how quickly it goes by. And sometimes I seem to forget the fragility of it, and of how precious it is.
I wonder how many peple stop to think about it aswell.

The idea for this post was somethat out of the blue, but I'll blame this song for triggering it.
Stars - Personal

Another random list

In case you're wondering (not that I think you might be), yes, I do very much enjoy the word "random".
Anyway, lately I've been thinking about the many things I would one day learn to do and of now I felt like writing it down so bare with me. There will be no specific order as I love them all.

Graffittis
Oh how much I want to learn how to. I feel this huge urge everytime I see one out on the street.

Tattoos
No shit. And get some of my own aswell. I'm very much fascinated with the idea of inking some awesome art in someone's skin, I find it beautiful, really.

Skate
Yup, I went there. I have a trauma with roller skates but skating itself is something I really want to learn. Seriously, how badass is it.

Motorbike
I'll probably just take the car license and get it over with, but I really love bikes.


So many time spent thinking about this and I can't for the life of me remember anything else at the moment. Ahah

Eh

The hypocrisy of people astounds me.
Anyway...Life goes on mates.



A cool drawing I found at the train station a while back.



Lisbon

Last week I went over to Lisbon to buy new lip piercings. It had been a while since I had last been there and I really missed it. I missed walking on the street and feeling so in place.

There's just something magic about it.

The Albums I Couldn't Live Without

So today on Autostraddle I stumbled upon this oldish entry by Emily where the girls were discussing their favorite albums.
It got me thinking about which CD's changed my life.

Funeral For A Friend - Hours
It was one of those albums I heard and simply fell in love with, it completely swept me off my feet.
I was going through some rough times back when I first listened to it, the girl I was dating back then, whom the album belonged to (I later got my own copy), wasn't good for me, in the least. I wasn't well. Mentaly, I was way past the healthy line. But then I would listen to this and feel alive again. I have no idea what drew me in, but my love for this record hasn't changed, not once.

"So pull this switch and see my body twitch
As we dance on this memory
Despair has devoured me whole
A seed won't grow from this soul
This pill won't cure my disease
Can't you kill this beating heart"
- from Hospitality


Tegan And Sara - The Con
Does this even need explaining? It's Tegan and Sara, there's not a word we can't relate to.
This album sends me through such a roller coaster of emotions, these girls can describe my feelings so dead on it sometimes hurts. Pure, raw, they are genious.
From Back In Your Head to Call It Off, Floorplan, Like O Like H, Nineteen... it gives me the chills.
Pure perfection.

Tegan And Sara - So Jealous
So Jealous was the first song I ever heard by them, many years before I fell in love with them. It's crazy how amazing things can pass by us like nothing. Luckily I made up for my mistake. It's hard for me to so much as give my opinion in any of their albums because I truthfully love everything they ever came up with.
I mean, hello? Downtown, I Can't Take It, Walking With A Ghost, I Bet It Stung, I Know I Know I Know, So Jealous, and I better stop before I list all the songs. How much better could it possibly get?
It couldn't. It's Tegan And Sara and that's enough explanation.
Suming it up, if I had to pick only one artist to listen to for the rest of my life, it would be them.


Papa Roach - Getting Away With Murder
Back to the girl I used to date subject. I was angry, I was depressed, I didn't know what to do with my life, I was far too caught up in my own mistakes. This album made me wanna scream, it made me wanna kick, it made me wanna cry. It was filled with angst, despair, rage, but at the same time it helped me see that I knew how to sort my life and gave me hope that one day I would have the courage to do so. And i did.

"I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed 'cause you came around
Why don't you just go home?
'Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're driving me insane"
- from Scars

Blink 182 - Blink 182
Well, what can I say...I was a kid. I must of had been around 12 maybe when they first peeked my interest, and oh did they peek it. I soon had three of their albums: Blink 182, Take Off Your Pants and Jacket and Enema Of The State. I still remember how embarassed I was of Enema's cover as I stood in line to purchase it. I was such a prude and shy kid.
They were the first band I became a fan of, I loved them. I listened to them constantly wether it was in my room, in the car, at family parties, you name it. For many years they were the CD in my walkman during car trips with my parents in the summer. I still do the same sometimes, when I feel like it, search for them in my MP4 and give in to the old days melancholy.
I still love them, specially this album and each and every song in it.

"I'll leave my room open 'til sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes constantly focused on you
Where are you now, I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this"
- from I'm Lost Without You


UnderOath - They're Only chasing Safety
These guys are one of those bands that I would love to spend an afternoon goofing around with. I love all they stand for (minus their big religious beliefs, I'm not a very big fan of that, but for them I'll close my eyes to that little detail). Their music is powerful, intense, both musicaly and lyricaly. And do I love their lyrics.
Listening to this album makes me feel like going through an empty street at night, at high speed, the darkness and lights rushing past me, giving we this peaceful yet weary feeling.


This is all for now, If I remember anything else meanwhile I'll make sure to post.