When is enough ever enough? Is constant unsatisfaction what keeps us going? I find myself having this conversation with myself over and over again.
Is it me who always wants more? Or are things really not up to standards?
I hate myself sometimes. I hate myself for my discontentment, for this restless longing. I wish I had a way of knowing if I'm the one who's wrong or if things are really not worth it.
I feel like I'm walking on a limbo, an inch away from falling through. There are moments when this anguish takes over me, frustration for what was and no longer is.
I miss afternoons with the glow of the setting sun surrounding me in a craddle of happiness, of the sense of peacefulness and safety I felt inside. I felt so big and confident. Now i'm just unsure.
As I read through this all I see is "I...", "me...", and it makes me feel so selfish. I wonder if it's really altruism what keeps me around or fear, cowardice. My opinion of myself as long degraded.
I wish I could get back that feeling, those feelings, now I always feel like I'm bellow expectations.
I feel this cold, this emptiness in me, and I feel like it is never going away. I just know it deep down. I knew it then as I know it now that things would never be the same, but knowing isn't enough.
I just need to fix this before I drive myself miserable. But alas, it's easier said than done.
I'm feelin' the same way. Not being bellow expectations but wondering about life and what is the right thing to do and if my choices were the bests. I think our thoughts are similar but i'm pretty sure that the reason is very different.
ReplyDeleteMy advice, keep ya' head up! Just be true to yourself and everything will be OK ;)
Keep being you homie!
It never is enough homie, sometimes things get to a point where there is just no fixing them anymore. You have no idea how often I go through these conversations with myself, sometimes i just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired...
ReplyDeleteIf you ever need to talk, I'm here, remember that. love you homie.