Remembrance

I often ask myself if there was ever a time, when I was younger, that I noticed I was gay.

I'm not one of those people who always knew, I really didn't, I had no clue. But sometimes I ask myself if there was any evidence, something I didn't quite notice. And the truth is, most times I thought of this I dismissed the idea, there was nothing I could recall.
But just some minutes ago I was reading Autostraddle and a lamp seemingly lit up in my mind.

I remembered a couple of situations that even if pretty much insignificant marked me to this day, two of which I happened to stumble upon while watching TV.
The first was when one day, about eight years ago, I was zapping and stopped on MCM (which, for those who don't know, is a french music channel). Everything was fine and dandy untill suddenly the two girls singing on the video kissed. I know that leaves no doubts, they were none other than t.A.T.u. singing "All The Things She Said". I, being my young and innocent self, had never heard of them and was honestly too young to. I remember that situation so clearly it astounds me.

The second one is even older, I don't even know how old it really is. It took me a long time to figure out who it was, this weird person with a hair full of braids, a hat atop of the head and bright red lipstick. Ah well, it was Boy George!
It might sound like nothing to many but when I say my memory is bad, I really mean it, and for these situations to have stuck with me for all my life there must have been something inside me that somehow knew already that there was something different in me.

Today my homie, Jorge, asked me how I knew I was gay. I asked myself that same question for a long time, to be perfectly honest, and the only answer really is "I just knew". It is ironic how easily I can answer the How-come-I-didn't-find-out-sooner question, but searching for signs prior to that is so hard.

Boy George as I remember seeing him (except for the missing hat).